Local Youngster Depressed Due to Lack of Christmas Celebration

By Fakhruddin Butt

Nine year old Omar Watafa is just like any other child of
his age: he loves football, has memorized the Harry Potter books, and thinks
that girls have cooties.

He also loves Christmas.

What makes Omar’s story so different from other normal kids
of his age is that for the first time in his life, he did not receive any
presents on Christmas morning last year. “I was hoping to receive a PSP and some
$90 low-rise Gap jeans this year,” said Omar in an interview. “But then our
local meanie Imam said that we shouldn’t celebrate Christmas. So now I have to
wait till, like, Eid, and that’s like so far away.”

Omar’s parents, Shah Jehan and Cheryl Watafa, recently were
told by a local Imam that celebrating Christmas has no place in Islam, and that
while Muslims respect and honor Jesus as a great Prophet, they do not celebrate
his birth by cutting down and decorating trees and exchanging gifts. Mr. Watafa
commented, “I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy, thinking he’s all
religious with his praying five times a day and telling me that I can’t
celebrate Christmas. I mean, what the heck am I going to do with my $200 tree
that I got? Besides, we have to show people that we’re like them, so what’s
wrong with giving presents and eating ham one day of the year?”

He decided to look into this further and contacted another
Muslim scholar, one Shaykh Liber Ali, who earned his certification as a
certified Muslim scholar by attending an APPNA convention and purchasing a
prayer-cap that he lost shortly thereafter. “Shaykh Ali is a much more
open-minded and true scholar, in my opinion. He’s studied Islam for so long and
he’s a shaykh, he knows what he’s talking about,” said Mr. Watafa. Cheryl
Watafa also said, “I liked his demeanor from the moment we met him. Whereas all
these other fundamentalist scholars spoke to me nicely, they never shook my
hand. Shaykh Liber Ali not only shook my hand, but hugged me as well. I really
liked his people skills.”

Shaykh Liber Ali

After spending ten minutes with Shaykh Ali, the
scholar told
the Watafas that since Jesus is a Prophet of Islam as well, there is
nothing
wrong with celebrating his birth through commercialistic displays of
faux-fraternity. “I mean, I read the Qur’an like once, ok, well like
half of it, in
English, and there’s no verse in there that says you can’t celebrate
Christmas
by purchasing needlessly overpriced materialistic items in the hopes of
deriving joy from them while completely neglecting and relegating
issues like
family and community to the wayside. I mean, have you read such a
verse? I know
I haven’t.

“I mean, haven’t you read my articles on some wakeup.com
site? Juuuiice, that was a good one. Deep
Blue Sea,
they ate me, a frickin shark ate me!”

While this reporter had no idea what the Shaykh meant by
this, undoubtedly it was filled with deep wisdom and hence left in this article
nonetheless.

The Watafas believe that the real issue at hand here is why
is Islam so strict about everything. Cheryl said, “It’s like, it’s like, they’re
anti-fun. The mother of one of Omar’s Muslim friends—and he has so few since
they’re all such extremists—told me that it’s not right for Omar to be praying
with torn up jeans. I told her, ‘Lady, those jeans with bullet holes cost me
$140, he damn right can pray with those on.’ See, for me, the thing is that all
these Muslims today are still living in the 7^th century and riding
their camels. They don’t realize it’s the year 2005 and so what if we tell Omar
that Santa will bring him presents if he fasts a day in Ramadan? That’s good
motivation technique there, if you ask me.”

Of course, the real tragic figure is little Omar himself.
When I spoke with him, he mentioned that his Sunday school teacher, who is “scary
‘cause she wears this hood thing to cover her hair” told him that the Prophet
of Islam’s traditions are known as sunnah.
Omar protested, “See, Santa… sunnah, it’s all the same right? And they’re
telling me there’s no such thing as Santa.” He then proceeded to cry in the
arms of his mother.

Mrs. Watafa remarked, “You see what this kind of extremist
teachings can do to the fragile mind of my poor child?” She consoled Omar, “There
there honey, don’t cry, I’ll buy you anything you want and then you’ll feel
better.”

The Watafas and Shaykh Liber Ali believe that Santa Claus
equals Sunnah Al-Klawz, and that Santa is the Westernized name for a great Sufi
saint of legend whom God tells to distribute toys only to white children who live in
areas with snowfall who have been good. When I asked Shaykh Ali to guide me to
some sources where I could read more about Sunnah al-Klawz, he remarked, “I’m a
frickin’ shaykh, bit–, back off! If you believe in the “S”, you’ll be relievin’
yo’ stress.”

Taking Shaykh Ali’s advice to heart, the Watafas plan to
celebrate Christmas in the way, as Mr. Watafa eloquently stated, “in the way
that God meant for us to celebrate this joyous day.”

That, and the presents, should certainly cheer the face of a
little Omar.

As the carol goes: What
a wonderful time of the year.

 ———————-

Currently Reading: Kitab’ul-Hajj from al-Mukhtasar al-Quduri by Abu’l-Hasan Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-Quduri al-Baghdadi