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Yay White Sox… or something

October 3, 2005

 

I’m writing this post as per the request of two dear and rascally
friends of mine, Asim Quadri and Irshad Pathan, who requested me to
make a post about their beloved Chicago White Sox. Seeing as that I’m a
fan of nearly every Chicago team (yay for the Chicago Sky) except the
White Sox, I think it’s time that I made a few things clear since the
White Sox have managed to avoid the biggest choke job in history
(thanks to Asim and Irshad praying 40 rak’ahs of tahajjud a night) and
make it to the playoffs. As Asim (the same person who missed the
Islamic Relief dinner to attend a White Sox game… I bet he thought if
he attended, they’d have enough to make it a sellout night at the
“Cell”) so eloquently stated, “You just watch man, once the Sox make it
to the playoffs, the barakah of Ramadan will take over and they’re
going all the way.”

Right Asim, that’s exactly how it will go down.

For those of you who aren’t very familiar with the dynamics of Chicago
sports, understand first and foremost that Chicago is the greatest
sports city in the world. This is fact, agreed upon, muttafiq
`alayhi… more solid than ISNA’s moonsighting… so don’t question it.
In addition to this incontrovertible truth, the Chicago family of
sports teams, like every family, as a black sheep in the White
Sox–making it quite appropriate that their colors are black and white,
similar to classic prison uniforms. They play at a stadium called US
Cellular Field, aka “the Cell”, which is quite an appropriate name for
a stadium filled with felonious fans. Now, the rest of us law-abiding
citizens wouldn’t mind this farce that’s held on the South Side if only
White Sox fans would shut up. Seriously, these guys are the biggest
whiners, complainers, and cry-babies that I’ve ever seen. If you
combined a room full of infants and took away their pacifiers, bottles,
and mommies, they’d still cry less than White Sox fans. I mean, even if
you had a room full of fob uncles discussing the latest CNN gossip and
weren’t given their chai (tea) on time… these guys would complain
less than White Sox fans. Heck, even the Muslimwakeup.com people
complain less than Chicago White Sox fans, but perhaps I digress…

White Sox fans complain that their team never gets any coverage. They
were moaning and complaining that when Sportscenter came to Illinois
for the “50 States in 50 Days” feature, they covered the Cubs and
didn’t cover the Sox. They complained that even though the White Sox
has the best record for a while in all of baseball, everyone was
talking about the Yankees/Red Sox, the underachieving Cubs, which
fabric softener is better: Downy or Bounce (personally, I use both),
and other more important matters. Finally, when the Sox started to get
news coverage, what did they start doing, almost exactly on cue: they
started losing games like nobody’s business. Pitchers like Garland and
Buehrle who were touted as Cy Young winners couldn’t strike out little
league players if their lives depended on it. By this time, sports
media was covering the Sox: they were headlining Sportscenter, Chicago
sports columnists started writing feature columns on them, etc… and
of course, the Sox continued to lose. What had been a 15 game lead over
the 2nd place Cleveland Indians dwindled down to 1 1/2 games, heralding
what would have been the biggest chokes in professional sports.

And throughout all this, true to their fitrah, White Sox fans whined,
pouted, threw temper tantriums, cried, complained some more, hated on
Cubs fans, and were more annoying that the women’s section at any Eid
salaat.

I can only offer one explanation for this behavior by Sox fans:
jealousy, pure hasad man, straight up jealousy… When the Cubs were
poised to make a run in 2003, all I heard from Sox fans was pure hatred
against the Cubs. What a bunch of losers.

Now, in 2005, as the Sox have managed to make it to the postseason, I
(along with many other Cubs fans) will display our true colors of
nobility, virtue, integrity, honor (and all that other jazz) and say
that I don’t hate on the White Sox. I’m not a fan of them (and I never
will be), but I’m not going to hate on the Sox like Sox fans do against
the Cubs… I think this is because Cubs fans have class, something
that White Sox fans will never have, not even in a million years. White
Sox fans couldn’t get class even if it were being sold on Ebay for
$1.99 and they were the only ones bidding.

With that said, let me just say that since I love my mother city of
Chicago, I love all her children as well. One cannot undo one’s
family–you have to deal with the hand that God dealt us. In every
family, there’s always a few people whom you really can’t stand, but
nonetheless, you wish and pray good for them because of kinship bonds.
To me, the White Sox are like a fifth cousin, twice removed, through
marriage (something like how all Hyderabadis are related to one
another)… meaning, I could care less about them, but for the sake of
family, I wish them well. I wish them and their fans the best for this
postseason simply because my love for Chicago is just that grand that I
can overlook all the flaws of the Sox fans. And while I doubt they’ll
make it past Boston in the first round, if by sheer luck (or the
continued tahajjud of people like Asim and Irshad) the Sox make it to
the World Series and win, I’ll genuinely be happy for them simply
because it will give honor and glory to my mother city.

Go Sox… now that you have the entire nation watching, try not to choke too badly, ok?

As for you, White Sox fans, if and when the Sox lose, I wouldn’t be
surprised if I hear you guys blame the Cubs for your post-season
failure.

And hey Steve Bartman, if you read this, get yourself a ticket at the
“Cell”, left field near the foul line… you know, the same seat you
had during the 2003 NLCS… try to catch another foul ball, and
everything will be cool, aight?

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24 Comments
  1. salaams…
    Ramadan Mubarak

  2. Assalam-U-Alaikum…
    chappal slaps…haha…i like that…lol
    Allah Hafiz
    Sarah

  3. hah. ur a funny guy. i personally hate watching baseball, but i got kicks outta reading this post. nice job.
    salaam.

  4. Anonymous permalink

    heckss yess…tomm’s game should be fun stuff iA 🙂 3 o clock i believe?”nd hey Steve Bartman, if you read this, get yourself a ticket at the “Cell”, left field near the foul line… you know, the same seat you had during the 2003 NLCS… try to catch another foul ball, and everything will be cool, aight?” <~~LOLL

  5. …PERO VIVA LOS BOMBEROS DE BRONX!!  LETS GO YANKEES !!!

  6. lol that was funny as heck bro…
    btw…you do know that Ramadhan is starting tomorrow right?  🙂 

  7. leave steve alone. instead, suggest the sox put in alex gonzalez at shortstop so he can commit another season-shattering heart-breaking error. for the record, i support the sox all the way. God Grant you victory, my southside, lacking-all-the-history-and-dynamism-and-integrity-of-the-cubs brothers.p.s. today is a happy day. why, you ask? because nicolas cage and his hot east asian wife had a baby. and the world has now become a more beautfiul place.alhamdulillah. a blessed ramadan to all, when it starts iA.peace,IJB

  8. who are the white sox? oh yeah.

  9. Funny.

  10. “To me, the White Sox are like a fifth cousin, twice removed, through marriage”
    nice, but i’m not sure this is what irshad and asim had in mind….lol

  11. Anonymous permalink

    *~* RAMADAN MUBARAK *~*

  12. i agree with kababking, lets Go Yankees !!!

  13. Salams
    White Sox rule!! (not because of the team or anything, but because they are from the SOUTH SIDE!)
    INSHA ALLAH THE BLESSING OF RAMADAN WILL BRING THEM LUCK!!
    RAMADAN MUBARAK TO ALL (INSHA ALLAH THE BLESSINGS OF RAMADAN WILL BRING THE MUSLIM UMMAH SOME APPRECIATION TOO – AMEEN)
    Ma as Salam

  14. lol….my bro’s a white sox fan from the northside…I personally think he’s wierd for that. Anyways….Ramadan Mubarak!

  15. Anonymous permalink

    white sox suck…they’re gonna choke…insh’Allah…
    Ramadan Mubarak…
    nigger-ul-haq

  16. Anonymous permalink

    i’m not much into sports but i wanted to mention:
    Ever since I was in high school I thought Irshad had the coolest last name.  Infact I even wanted to change my name to Pathan after I heard such a last name existed.  I then learned that Khan is second coolest and I guess I’ll settle with second coolest..

  17. Yes, i agree that it’s the fans.  It really has nothing to do with the team.  They’re not in a good area, they dont’ know how to accommodate a large fan base.  Parking took 45 minutes for yesterday’s game because of lack of direction.  Not for me, but my boss.  And as for relation, I think of the White sox fans like the younger bratty brothers of Chicago Baseball.  They whine, complain about how everybody “favors” the older brother (Cubs).  When life is good they complain that they don’t get attention, and when life is bad, they complain about life.

  18. As Salam Alaikum:
    Jazak Allah for the props Brother Kr 156
    Sister xpikax1x, you will surprised to know that many such people exist. Including my ownself. I love the White Sox because they are from the South Side. However, I am from way up north!!!
    Brother lt786 you shouldnt say inshaAllah for that, that is like so totally mean. What about the tahjuds for the great fans??!!
    Ramadan Mubarak to all once again!!!
    Allah Hafiz

  19. they way i look at it is, i hate everything that is white be it snow, Bush, or the white sox

  20. Anonymous permalink

    A few thoughts as I read through your post.
    1. I was dissapointed to see you would wast your precious time and xanga space for a team so undeserving, they out do you in your undeservingness of eprops.
    2. I was quickly relieved to find you bashing on those good for nothing chokers so kudos for that.
    3. I was slightly more dissapointed however when you started this talk about wishing them well for the sake of your mother city or what have you.
    4. Then there was that zowned (zing and owned combine for double power) comment about how they were going to lose to Boston, which redeemed you.
    5. I agre I will be happy for those good for nothign Sox fans when they win, IF they win the WS or what have you. But I know that they will throw that appreciation in my face as they make fun of the Cubs at that point. Stupid white sox fans.
    Go Boston! Woo!

  21. Anonymous permalink

    aka “the Cell”, which is quite an appropriate name for a stadium filled with felonious fans.”
    Nice im not into basball that much (or any other sports for that matter) but its quite amusing to watch (or read rather) other people making fun of sports teams
    ramadan mubarak

  22. hmm, was your comment on my xanga supposed to be a joke? ::
    ramadan mubarak.  may Allah accept your prayers and fasts and help us all make the most of this special month.

  23. ramadan mubarak homie

  24. well i left a long comment but it didnt go through! in esssence Ramadan Mubarak and I like socks that are colored. White socks are okay hahaha. GO SOX! asalamu alaikum waramatullah.

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