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August 12, 2005

ISNA Money Making Idea

Junaid is currently a fourth year medical student at UIC College of Medicine. He’s also a brilliant mathematician, can play classical piano, and likes long walks on the beach. Anyway, he IMed me with a great idea to help out wanna-be players at ISNA and make a quick buck in the process. Enjoy.

Junaid 314159 (1:49:25 PM): i got a money making idea bro
k r 1 5 6 (1:50:04 PM) 
: auctioning off dates with me at ISNA?
Junaid 314159 (1:51:07 PM) 
: lol, no by “money making” i was thinking like thousands in profits not getting some loose change for the vending machine
Junaid 314159 (1:51:32 PM)
: well you are right it is about isna
Junaid 314159 (1:51:48 PM)
: well here it is bro, and bear with me, i think it is sheer brilliance…
Junaid 314159 (1:53:36 PM)
: ok so what two things do girls look for in a guy more than anything else….an M and a D
Junaid 314159 (1:53:44 PM)
: now what we can do is take advantage of this
Junaid 314159 (1:54:10 PM)
: we can set up an underground booth, where we rent out white coats and stethescopes for like $20/hr
Junaid 314159 (1:54:17 PM)
: the price is not the big deal
Junaid 314159 (1:54:21 PM)
: we rent them out
Junaid 314159 (1:54:33 PM)
: so guys can find the girls they like
Junaid 314159 (1:54:36 PM)
: come to the booth
Junaid 314159 (1:54:41 PM)
: rent a doctor’s outfit
Junaid 314159 (1:54:45 PM)
: and then approach them
Junaid 314159 (1:54:57 PM)
: think about it like we are giving them that slight boost of confidence
Junaid 314159 (1:55:12 PM)
: theyll only need it long enough to get their phone number or AIM screen name
k r 1 5 6 (1:55:58 PM)
: hahaha
Junaid 314159 (1:56:01 PM)
: and for another $20 they can hire one of us real med students to approach them and be like hey man hows it going, you’re almost done now right, i heard you got 250’s on boards
k r 1 5 6 (1:56:03 PM)
: thats a great idea
Junaid 314159 (1:56:14 PM)
: and for $50 they can hire one of us to collapse
Junaid 314159 (1:56:20 PM)
: right there on the floor
k r 1 5 6 (1:56:23 PM)
: and they can “revive us”
Junaid 314159 (1:56:36 PM)
: when they give us the cue (i.e. the girl they want is around), like they scratch their nose with the left hand
Junaid 314159 (1:56:39 PM)
: boom, im in convulsions
Junaid 314159 (1:56:56 PM)
: he comes checks my heart and does some quick stuff and im saved
Junaid 314159 (1:57:18 PM)
: i mean basically, you can get any desi girl at ISNA for about $60
Junaid 314159 (1:57:39 PM)
: im sure we can add a lot more ideas to this what do you think
Junaid 314159 (1:58:31 PM)
: besides you and i wont be needing our white coats that weekend, and we have stethescopes and pocket maxwell’s etc hehe
k r 1 5 6 (1:58:39 PM)
: hahahaha
Junaid 314159 (2:03:27 PM)
: well anyway im around bro, if this catches on, we’ll be on easy street, if you can think of a good way of how to set this up, that will be great, we cant have the booth out in the open for girls or their mothers to see, it has to be like drug dealing, we have plain clothes informants out on the floors, if they see an easy target, like some chump staring at a girl from afar or clearly looking like hes heartbroken, he can approach him and be like hey bro you look down, i know a way to make you feel better and get that girl to be interested, it’ll cost about 20 bucks, if you’re interested come to apartment 36B and make sure nobody is with you
Junaid 314159 (2:03:41 PM)
: i mean we have to work out a way to advertise it low key
k r 1 5 6 (2:03:52 PM)
: hahahah
k r 1 5 6 (2:03:55 PM)
: thats awesome
Junaid 314159 (2:04:12 PM)
: im sure people will get addicted to this and will want it everytime they come and then we can charge more
k r 1 5 6 (2:04:18 PM)
: finally, our uic white coats will be useful for something
Junaid 314159 (2:04:31 PM)
: totally hehe
Junaid 314159 (2:17:24 PM)
: we should advertise it like viagra, make viagra type of commercials
“Brothers, are you having a hard time these days with the ladies? Do you feel like you need just a little boost of confidence? Well it’s not your fault, many Desi men all over the world suffer from MD dysfunction (the inability to achieve and maintain an MD degree). It is nothing to be ashamed of. If you like to know more about your treatment options, come see Kamran and Junaid in Room 36B. You deserve the BEST that ISNA has to offer, don’t settle for less.”
k r 1 5 6 (2:17:31 PM)
: hahahahahaha
k r 1 5 6 (2:17:38 PM)
: im saving this
Junaid 314159 (2:17:53 PM)
: hehehehe
k r 1 5 6 (2:19:07 PM)
: thanks for making my next xanga post
k r 1 5 6 (2:19:14 PM)
: i just need to go and take a picture of the uic white coat
k r 1 5 6 (2:19:19 PM)
: and then a stethoscope
Junaid 314159 (2:19:20 PM)
: hehehe, no prob, hahahahahahaha
Junaid 314159 (2:19:23 PM)
: hilarious
k r 1 5 6 (2:19:23 PM)
: copy/paste this conversation
k r 1 5 6 (2:19:27 PM)
: and im good to go
Junaid 314159 (2:19:50 PM)
: ok man, i hope my squeaky clean rep can take the hit….we shall see


For a mere $20, imagine your name in the place of Fakhruddin Butt


The ticket to every desi aunty’s heart…

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30 Comments
  1. Anonymous permalink

    The Flaw in your plan is that the person would want this to transpire on the Hyatt Lobby. How many times can you or mr Junaid go around fainting or approaching others. I’d suggest selling fake med school certificates. Or flash cards, on how to sound intellegent. Flash cards is key. Mozlems at isna are dumb as hell.

  2. lol thats actually sad

  3. Anonymous permalink

    concerning convulsions, what if your friends are in the crowd? they’ll totally sell you out.mines is a lot more easier, cheaper, and has promise: 2 weeks before isna, go to vistaprint.com and get 250 free business cards. Then, at ISNA, have a ‘random’ child come up to you near the hijab booth or indian clothes section at the bazaar and he says JUST one sentence: ‘dr. piaz bhai, congrats on finishing your residency!when can my dad set up an appointment at your clinic?’…answer the young lad’s question, and follow-through. Hand him a card and then accidentally leave some cards on the booth OR floor(trust me, they’ll go down to pick it up too).BOOYAH!dont forget to buy the kid a soda.

  4. Yeah I think it’s important that the person that does the fainting/convulsions can’t be someone everyone knows. I think you would have to use someone from out of town or overseas, or use someone who is from around here but somehow has managed to live amongst us, grow up here, but does not really have any friends, I think Salman would be great for this.-Mohd

  5. Anonymous permalink

    salaams wrwb,
    this is hilarious, and scary, i’m sending out a cair action alert.
    wsalaam wrwb

  6. this was a great post.. mashaAllah.too bad you made it public and now everyone knows your scheme.

  7. Anonymous permalink

    lol this post was okay…props for kickin it at RL today man…that was hot…
    best line of your convo…
    Junaid 314159 (1:57:18 PM): i mean basically, you can get any desi girl at ISNA for about $60
    haha…sweet
    nigger-ul-haq

  8. “ok so what two things do girls look for in a guy more than anything else….an M and a D”….haha, entertaining. to say the least.

  9. Anonymous permalink

    mode is correct. I, salman faiz, can be that convulsion..ist! if anyone wants to actually try this out, im more than willing to provide my services.

  10. Do you know what the going rate for a convultionist is, nowadays?
    Good post– may I recommend that you 2 not directly involve yourselves– the thought of you 2 being there might disturb the vibe that the guys are trying to get from the ladies (and thereby– aunties).  If anyone sees or hears you 2 are around– girls will be passing out or chasing you around– the rest of us can’t handle those kind of issues.
    Thanking you in advance

  11. Comedic Genius. I miss Junaid’s subtle sense of humor.

  12. waow. amazing. i’ve heard of this junaid’s brilliance, but only now have i come to realize how true the rumors really were

  13. Anonymous permalink

    No eprops for you! for not helping out in ISNA this year. Sigh… the good times we could have had monday morning

  14. lol…nice stuff….especially the commercial and the MD Dysfunction part…

  15. Salaamz,Hay, A random eprop, and thought you might want 2 join this blog ring, it will be a big help if u do, http://www.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=1612730 … thankz you… Bye 4 Now Allah Hafiz

  16. HAHAHAHAHAAA – hilarious.  So when you say “revive” are you volunteering to be a CPR dummy for one of your “clients?”

  17. ::chuckles:: amusing. it wouldn’t  work at ISNA but whatever. had a good laugh about MD dysfunction. practically speaking though, i could see vector 786 and iqureshi’s ideas actually happening. man, the ladies (aunties or otherwise) that would drop to pick up those business cards… crazy

  18. Anonymous permalink

    KR, if I see you on the floor, I’m going to rush to give you a CPR.  I don’t care if you’re faking it.

  19. I think Abrar has exposed a very serious potential weakness in this plan. Seeing as how handsome and irresistible Kamran is, some people might fake their interest in this plan and instead pay $50 just so they can finally have their way with Kamran, an excuse to be able to kiss him and feel him up. Personally, I am more afraid of the funboys paying for this ‘priviledge’ than the girls. I think there are a few obvious solutions:
    1) No girls can pay for the services, as there is too strong a potential for them taking advantage of Kamran’s willingness to donate his perfect body to help others.2) The guys that wish to pay for the services must not look too clean cut, enjoy watching Will and Grace, have overtly obvious hand gestures when they speak, or know Hisham.3) Another option is to hire a designated brother who has not been blessed with good looks like Kamran, somebody who would only be kissed if it meant saving their life, again I must humbly nominate Salman for this position.
    -Mohd

  20. that was a great post man. i really like your website. check out my website!salam

  21. Vaguely amusing…but alas, what can the little doctor girl do?

  22. Anonymous permalink

    pretty funny stuff

  23. I like it… but vector’s idea takes the cake.
    like they say, keep it simple, dummy.  LOL, the worse thing is vector’s idea would probably work.
    hahah. props for Junaid. Junaid=baller, mashAllah. One for Vector one for Junaid…  one for… wait, out of eprops.
    =P salaamalaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatu.

  24. Anonymous permalink

    “finally, our uic white coats will be useful for something” — lol nice
    soo funny and i think u may round up more girls if u leave fakhuruddin butt on the thag

  25. Anonymous permalink

    for queenrooji, it’s even easier. just wait in the lobby. there are 8 guys to every girl standing there. just like that.

  26. lmao. wow, yeah i definately think i’d take advantage of kamran on the floor…haha, but who wouldn’t? Who can resist? He’s so…(sigh) dreamy.

  27. i think this deserves some eye rolling.  *roll eyes*

  28. Money you must first test the market. What I mean is that you are not crazy charging people an arm a leg. You need to do a little research to see how many people usually pay for the type of service performed. You will see online ads saying how much they are willing to pay for a particular service. You can also post some of the ads on Centralist advertising their service and how much money you want to win for her. If someone responds to your ad and agrees to pay the money you requested you are all set.Explosive stock option

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