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March 16, 2005

The Jihad on Webmail and the Spirituality of Star Wars

Wow, so it looks like it has finally happened. A few months ago, I did a post on how much I hated UIC Webmail since it took forever to load up. At that time, I had declared jihad on it, as its infidel ways were indeed oppressing me, and since “permission has been given to fight for those who have been oppressed…“, I took advantage of that provision.

Specifically, I wrote:

<<1. I’ve had it with UIC Webmail. Seriously. (i’m sure many of you UIC’ers can relate). I’m sick and tired of how it’s always down when I need to use it for school email. I had thought that by delegating all my school-related mail to my UIC account, I could have all my school-related stuff in a logical place. I was also enticed by the bigger account size that is given to post-grad students. Needless to say, like with many things at UIC, it was such a tease. The service is always down when I need to send an important email. Even when the website is up, it takes like 3-4 minutes after I enter my ID and password to log into the damn thing. Moreover, I think UIC is selling my email address to outside companies (being the opportunistic cheapskates they are) to raise money–since they’re always “in debt”… which is a LIE, cause I’ve seen some of the department parties and expenses that their highly touted research departments have… complete waste. I thought at least at my school account I wouldn’t have to receive spam, but sure enough, I receive emails about the latest cell phone deals, the upcoming bhangra parties, and stupid deals only “available to UIC alumni”. Due to all these transgressions, I’m declaring jihad on UIC Webmail. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’ve declared jihad nonetheless. So let it be written, so let it be done.>>

So then today, Wednesday, March 16, 2005, a day that shall be remembered in the annals of human history, I attempted to check my school email at 9:30 am by logging into the webmail page, only to see:

Accounts / Passwords Email Labs / Classrooms Telecom Network Security Software Computing and Network Services Education / Teaching Getting Help

If you didn’t expect this page, here’s what happened.

The current webmail is hacked and can’t be repaired. We’re directing that traffic to this election page, where you can use either Squirrel or IMP to read your email. This is an emergency procedure until we can declare a winner and run it in full production. Other details in the ACCC News posting from the ACCC home page.


Webmail Election

  • We’re having an election to replace the current webmail. Consider what features are important to you and see:
    Election Details
  • This page is for test-driving the two candidates: Squirrel and Horde/IMP. We only have one demo server up for the election, but once the winner is picked, we’ll put up as many servers as needed for good performance.
  • Both programs have lots of customizable options, such as fonts and colors, window size and behavior, sort order, print-friendly display, and so on. If you don’t like a default, check out what you can change with the options.
  • Although this is a test server, the email is real. Whatever you send or delete actually happens.
  • Vote Here Election over: March 21

Wow. This is just too good to be true. Whoever hacked webmail is my personal hero from this day forth. I know that anarchy isn’t a solution to life’s problems… but since exceptions exist to every rule, when dealing with UIC administration, anarchy seems to be the only medium to use to effect change. If that hacker had a xanga, I would tell everyone to give em like 200 eprops.

As for the second part of the post, I was talking to my boy Ilyas last night, who’s currently in Japan, supposedly working on a project from work, but in reality training to be a samurai:

Sisters, lower your gaze! … what a stud mashallah.

The Ilyas Ahmed action figure comes in a checkered samurai outfit and midnight blue

KBKachra (12:27:43 AM): have u seen the new star wars triler?
KBKachra (12:27:46 AM): trailer/
KBKachra (12:27:47 AM): /
KBKachra (12:27:48 AM): ?
k r 1 5 6 (12:28:56 AM): no
k r 1 5 6 (12:28:59 AM): is it online?
k r 1 5 6 (12:29:03 AM): i dunno if i should be hyped
k r 1 5 6 (12:29:12 AM): the last movie SUCKED
KBKachra (12:29:30 AM): let me see if i can give it to u
KBKachra wants to send file C:Documents and SettingsKamranDesktopStar Wars Episode 3 – Revenge of the Sith Trailer with OC Intro {C_P}.avi (12:31:18 AM).
k r 1 5 6 (12:31:23 AM): nice
KBKachra (12:37:55 AM): u know after watching these kind of movies…its kind of spiritually touching, and sad at the same time….now dont get me wrong..i am not saying movies is a a part of this great religion of ours….but take the whole STAR WARS saga for example
KBKachra (12:38:07 AM): especially these new ones.
KBKachra (12:38:20 AM): like how something could become so evil….
KBKachra (12:38:32 AM): r u there?
k r 1 5 6 (12:39:19 AM): yeah, im here, sorry
k r 1 5 6 (12:39:28 AM): yeah, star wars is a great iman booster actually
KBKachra (12:39:34 AM): u have the darkside….and the lightside..good and bad….balance of the force
KBKachra (12:41:15 AM): and look at our present day…the beginning of the end of this dunya….the red carpet of the dajjal has been layed out…..every group…good bad and ugly is anxiously awaiting their savior
KBKachra (12:41:52 AM): its so amazing how yoda….this imaginary green midget….sits there and says….”THE DARKSIDE CLOUTS EVERYTHING”
KBKachra (12:42:42 AM): and its like dude…why cant these people take lesson from their own creation….its like the surreal is real, but they dont want to see that.
k r 1 5 6 (12:42:52 AM): yeah, thats ironic, no
KBKachra (12:44:31 AM): I mean I was talking to a friend of mine in cali…and i was like man…yeah the dajjal is upon us…..there is massive confusion everywhere… one knows who is on whos side…who is actuallly good and who is evil….the shaitan(DARKSIDE) clouts everything
KBKachra (12:44:47 AM): and its amazing to see how anakin gets seduced to thedarkside..
k r 1 5 6 (12:44:50 AM): thas deep
k r 1 5 6 (12:44:53 AM): yeah, straight up
k r 1 5 6 (12:44:57 AM): just like the liberals
k r 1 5 6 (12:45:01 AM): like
k r 1 5 6 (12:45:06 AM): who get seduced to the darkside … though i don’t think they were ever the “chosen one” like anikin was
KBKachra (12:45:25 AM): basically how shaitan does itin small doses..and finally revelashimself
KBKachra (12:45:37 AM): jus like the movie
KBKachra (12:45:54 AM): like shaitan will never confrontus head on….he’ll do it his way
k r 1 5 6 (12:47:50 AM): straight up… that wuss
k r 1 5 6 (12:47:55 AM): im lovin these insights
KBKachra (12:47:55 AM): a way we can never see….and jus like the jedi who even though as strong as they are….never see it coming until the last minute..i mean they sense the disturbances all the time…but they can never see it…jus like our present ummah today…and thats the best when u can tie it all into all the lectures..when we are reminded u can never let your guard down….cuz shaitan gets even the best of us
k r 1 5 6 (12:47:57 AM): ima post them on xanga
KBKachra (12:49:48 AM): no matter how strong we are….and thats what is happening here….we can sense these disturbances….but we cant see it…and we wont see it until it reveals itself….and when that day comes (GOD-willing) whatever condition we are in..thats the path we will follow….either right or wrong…..good or evil….light or dark…no middle path
k r 1 5 6 (12:51:10 AM): hehehe, yes, indeed
k r 1 5 6 (12:51:17 AM): i never thought of it like that
KBKachra (12:52:01 AM): its so sad that the kufr can make these stories…but cant see the real beauty behind it…that there is something else there
k r 1 5 6 received C:Documents and SettingsKamranDesktopStar Wars Episode 3 – Revenge of the Sith Trailer with OC Intro {C_P}.avi (12:54:26 AM).
KBKachra (12:57:04 AM): and i think dajjal is more than jus a creature coming to create havoc….its a practice and a way life….subhanallah….like take for instance stuff that we downright say is haram….is now halal..completely accepted….the biggest one these dayz is being a homo…but i was reading ESPN Magazine…and now they want to try and push performance enhancers and make it all legit
k r 1 5 6 (12:59:26 AM): wow
k r 1 5 6 (12:59:32 AM): alright bro, im gonna get some sleep
k r 1 5 6 (12:59:35 AM): i love you
k r 1 5 6 (12:59:36 AM): salaams
KBKachra (12:59:52 AM): aight cool
KBKachra (12:59:59 AM): yeah u can post my stuff
KBKachra (1:00:03 AM): did u see the trailer
k r 1 5 6 (1:00:13 AM): ill watch it before i sleep
KBKachra (1:00:24 AM): hopefully it works
KBKachra (1:00:33 AM): aight ill continue this convo layter

Still Currently Playing Like a Madman
Console: Xbox (damn you Mirza!)
Publisher: Microsoft
Note: I think I’ll only be cured once I beat the game.


From → Uncategorized

  1. Anonymous permalink

    Asalaamu Alaykum
    “its like the surreal is real, but they dont want to see that.”
    Ahh!! That is so going in my philosophy paper tonight! Inshallah. too cool.

  2. Anonymous permalink

    respect to the hackers…

  3. Anonymous permalink

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktauhu
    Madd props for a Star Wars reference.
    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

  4. Vote for Squirrelmail!

  5. I don’t know if by “making haram things halal” you were referring to the individual decision of a person or a proclamation by our government endorsing such ways of life. If you meant the former, then ignore the following:
    America doesn’t say something is right or wrong, muslims need to understand that. It is not saying it’s right to be racist or wrong to be racist, it’s not saying it is right to be homo or wrong to be homo, what it is saying is that the government has no right to persecute such individuals for their beliefs. You are seeing it all the wrong way, the laws in place that are protecting the rights of homosexuals and racists are not completely unrelated to the laws that allow us to have our beliefs and practice our faith without being persecuted. America is not saying that homosexuality is right, rather that it is a right, and that no secular government should have the power to designate this as being moral or immoral, allowed or forbidden. KNOW that you’re disapproval and voice against gay rights is a disapproval of civil rights in the broadest sense. If your ideas were put into practice then I fear that it would pave the way for muslims to someday not be allowed to live in peace.
    You have to decide once and for all. Do you want America to be secular or religious, do you want separation of church and state or not. Muslims these days want separation when it comes to letting us do what we want to do, but when we see people do things we don’t like we start talking about America being bad, godless, allowing sin to take place, and a few feebleminded people to go as far as shouting America says a “sin is right to do”. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Either fight for civil rights and freedoms for all people or don’t, but don’t stand on your high horse, taking advantage of all the freedom this country offers you and simultaneously knocking it for the “evil” freedoms it allows for others.
    Hate the Sin and Not the Sinner,-Mohd

  6. Did you get my text message about Yoda that Saudu sent me?

  7. yes, that was hilarious and informative.

  8. Anonymous permalink

    At webmail I get to find about so many great things:
    1. Performance enhancing drugs2. Theres my friend who wants to sell me a rolex for only $2003. I can get prescriptions without a prescription4. All the parties out there want me to attend. How will the party organizers contact me now that webmail is down?5. Oh a loan for my imaginary house
    Sigh, since I dont get regular mail from real people, I used to enjoy reading emails from my new friends.  Now I get zero emails. I”m all alone.
    Hey will one of you guys send me an email?

  9. Anyone know of any good deals on Viagra. Also, I wouldn’t mind getting daily e-mails about cheap Viagra. If any of you you know where I can sign up for such e-mails, please let me know.

  10. Salam,
    Good to read your Xanga entry. I miss talking to you; I like knowing your views on different things. I am still waiting for an invitation from you, lets see how long I have to wait. What are you upto these days? Hope everything is fine with you and Rehan. Salam to your mom. I saw Kasim last week; it was really good to see him. Our memories are pretty good. I tell your crazy stories to my kids sometime. I have good kids right now. I love teaching these kids, but other than that don’t want to be in that building for a minute. Anyway keep in touch. I am in your world now. 

  11. Anonymous permalink

    A CPSA teacher with a Xanga?  Lord what is going on here?  Anyways, Saima where are you? Did you read this post?  If they make action figures of your bro, there HAS to be a “Super Hijabi” action figure of you!  Hahaha can you imagine a set of action figures for the whole Ahmed family?  If I still had a Xanga I would soo make a post about that. Saima with a hijaab and cape, Ilyas as a samurai, and Faiyaz with X-ray vision glasses 🙂  Hehehehe

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