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September 27, 2004

The Irony of Being a Chicago Sports Fan

Disclaimer: If anyone who hates any of the Chicago sports teams (except the White Sox, cause well they’re horrible all the time anyway) laughs or gets joy from reading this, you’re a cruel and vile human being in my books. Any smart aleck comments in the chatterbox regarding this is also a sign that you’re the worst human being ever.

This picture taken late in the Bears’ game against the Vikings represents the fate of a Chicago sports fan: eternal optimism and support given to one’s beloved teams, only to be rewarded with continuous disappointment and underachivement. Rex Grossman, the annointed Jewish messianic quarterback for the Bears who was to take us to the Promised Land, tore his ACL and is out for the season after diving for a TD in the fading minutes of a game we were going to lose anyway. Looks like another horrible season for the Bears (I knew they weren’t going to the playoffs), as the only thing we have left to play for is not to have the worst record in the league. Laugh at this picture all you want, go ahead, enjoy my misery and pain.

But it speaks of a bigger, more tragic trend.

Chicago is the greatest city in the Western hemisphere. There is no question, doubt, or any argument by this. Anyone who disagrees with this shouldn’t be disagreeing in the first place because no one is interested in what you have to say. As you can tell, I’m pretty bitter as I’m writing this and yet I’m trying to objectively make a comparison. Anyway, by virtue of being the greatest city in the west, Chicago ironically has the worst sports franchises. Our sports’ team owners are the stingiest bastards this side of Qarun: they have so much, think it’s all because of their efforts, and never want to spend money to make things happen (exceptions to this general rule do exist–such as the Cubs recently–but overall, when one looks at Chicago sports teams over the past 50 years, it’s quite true). And that’s the tragedy: the greatest city doesn’t have the greatest sports teams. We ought to run the tables in every major sport. How the hell do we let some excuse for a region called New England win the Super Bowl? Why should that jail known as Detroit have the NBA Championship? Even worse, our cheapskate owners really don’t want to remedy that because they’re content with the great ticket and merchandise sales that all Chicago sports teams enjoy. Like the Bulls’ motto this year: “Through thick and thin“–what the hell is that? Why don’t you just say: “We’re not going to spend money on players. Come to our games and buy our overpriced sodas anyway.

Moreover, even when we somehow–more often by accident–get decent teams, we’re never able to quite make it past the finish line. We always manage to self-destruct and choke (sometimes by provoked by outside influence), often being our own worst enemies in the end. Exhibit A: Chicago Cubs, Game 6 of the National League Championship Series, up 3-1 to the lowly Florida Marlins–

I’m not going to comment anymore on that picture. You get the point.

It’s days like this that I’m thankful I recorded all the Bulls Finals’ games. Those were the days… they seem like a thousand years ago.

Yet, despite the perpetual losing, the almost-scripted self-destruction in crucial moments, the abundance of poor personnel decisions, the unwillingness to spend money to make things happen, the inept and insane leaders of the teams, the shameless publicity that the main reason a team exists is not for the fans but to make money, the constant attempt to re-live the glory days of the past yet not willing to make the sacrifices the teams of the past did, and a defeatist mentality that always seems to say “We’ll get ’em next year”, I’m still a Chicago sports fan.

Why might you ask? As the one and only Imâm al-Busîrî writes in the Burdah:


O you who would reproach me regarding my love, forgive me!

From me to you, if you were to do me justice, you would not blame me.

My state of love has been expressed, my secret is no longer concealed

From those who would malign me, nor is there anything to check my agony

You have sincerely advised me, but I did not heed it;

For verily a lover is deaf to all those who advise him

You ask me why I’m still a fan? Look at the above problems I’ve listed with Chicago sports teams: the same problems essentialy characterize the current Muslim ummah.

And yet I’m still a fan of the Ummah.

So then, why shouldn’t I be a fan of Chicago sports teams?



From → Uncategorized

  1. Anonymous permalink

    1. KR has no ijazah to talk about the Cubs! 2. He is a fair weather Bears fan. He keeps telling me they will loose (Bears Pack) When i said they would win and Shariq too.3. He doenst believe in the raw talent that the players possess. He’s waiting for ‘miracles’ to happen. And then dismisses this argumetn by saying that miracles is the realization of that potential. What crap
    Eprops Nazi: “No Eprops for you!”

  2. fair weather bears fan? you werent even alive when the bears won. i was. i met gary fencik, walter payton, and mike singletary… one of the earliest childhood memories i have.
    i dont need to prove my bears loyalties to anyone, least of all to you hisham… how many a sunday school class did i sneak a walkman into to listen to the game back in the day.
    believing in raw talent of the players is to take God out of the picture. this is why you’re a vile and spiritually bankrupt human being… cause you dont see the Hand of God in actually creating that raw talent and then taking it to the next level. how many teams were stacked with “raw talent” (exhibit A: 2003-04 lakers) and yet didn’t make it? the miracle i refer to is that talent coming together into a beautiful force of good.
    and considering that i give you eprops for all your crappy posts… you being an eprops nazi… writes in stone what a horrible person you are.
    you’re like the worst person ever.
    but i love you.

  3. Anonymous permalink

    Since when did you become one to judge.
    “you’re like the worst person ever.”
    If you speak of the hand of Allah and stuff what about the fact that Allah is the one and only person who Judges.
    Plus were you alive when the Cubs won their World Series. Youre argument lacks any sense and has made us all stupider for having read it.
    Being the nice guy that i am, i forgive you for youre judging mentality and i have pity on you therefore, here have two eprops.
    I hope Allah forgives you for youre comments. I sure have.. remember He is the MOST MERCIFUL!
    I love you KR.. looking forward to that Lunch you owe me.. mmm mmm i tast it right now..

  4. hey kr, how ironic is it that i ended up in Des Moines, where the Cubs minor league team plays…haha!

  5. hey sadiq, did you have to get permission to access the internet and visit my website?

  6. actually, after i typed my comment, I had to get it approved as well. bummer.

  7. Kr begged me to give him eprops…for that, i will bestow upon him 1 eprop. 🙂

  8. who the hell gives someone ONE eprop?
    that’s like giving someone chawal and no salan. or an xbox with no controllers. you get the point.
    i have officially declared sadiq shariff as the world’s biggest gaddha.

  9. thats wrong yo…can’t i atleast be a bhains? geez.

  10. HisHashish (12:07:09 AM): i’m gay

  11. Anonymous permalink

    Tell all the women.. you can.. i said it I’m gay..
    Its a secret plot.. girls dig gay guys..

  12. Shut up.

  13. Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,
    Of course I realized you weren’t being serious when you said I was being inhumane. I think. I don’t remember. Anyway, I just found out the problem about the eprops and what exactly is making me the “eprop nazi,” as you like to call it. It seems as though my computer system actually CHOOSES whom it wants to give eprops to. Pretty weird. But some people I’ve left comments to are getting the eprops. Some just aren’t. Seriously. This leads to one thing: perhaps my computer doesn’t harbor too many warm feelings for you.. and certain others who are complaining about the whole “no eprops!!” issue. 😦  (Do you know if the “html editing” issue has anything to do with it?)
    But behold, there is a solution! You can pretend this comment itself is an eprop. Happy now? 🙂 Take care, wassalaam..

  14. Oh, I heard about Rex Grossman when I was watching the ESPN news the other day. People with torn ACL, bruised sternum, and what not! Interesting..

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