The Eclipse Prayer

kr’s note: We are told there will be a solar eclipse today that will be visible in many parts of the world. This is a wonderful opportunity to pray salat al-kusuf (the eclipse prayer), and fulfill one of the great practices of the Prophet. I hope the following will be useful for those who are interested. The translation and any resulting errors are mine.

Note: the time for the eclipse, at least in the Chicago area where it may be barely visible, is during the Asr to Maghrib window. It should be remembered that per the Hanafi school it is strongly undesirable to pray any superogatory prayer after Asr. Hence, one may delay Asr until the eclipse starts, pray the eclipse prayer and then pray Asr with enough time left before Maghrib. However, if the time is insufficient such that delaying Asr is not possible, then one should pray Asr (as that is fard) and leave aside the eclipse prayer and instead make du’a/dhikr during this time. One should not miss Asr for the sake of a superogatory prayer, no matter how virtuous it may be. Finally, if it is the makruh time before Asr, one should forego the eclipse prayer and instead make du’a/dhikr instead.

(The following is the Hanafi method for salat al-kusuf (the eclipse prayer) taken from al-Hidayah by Imam al-Marghinani. The original text of Quduri is underlined, my comments are in brackets)

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When the sun is eclipsed, the imam should lead the people in two rak’ahs of superogatory prayers with one prostration in each rak’ah. Imam al-Shafi`i (may God have mercy on him) said that there are to be two prostrations, relying on the narration of Aishah (may God be pleased with her) [this hadith is found in all the six major collections]. We (the Hanafis) rely upon the narration of Samurah b. `Umar (may God be pleased with him). The outward state of the Prophet (may God’s peace and blessings be upon him) was more evident to the men (ie, those Companions present with him at the time of the prayer) who were close to him. Therefore, the narration of Samurah is preferred.

The recitation in both rak’ahs is to be prolonged and silent according to Imam Abu Hanifah (may God have mercy on him). The two Companions (Sahibayn) said that it should be recited aloud. There is also an opinion from Imam Muhammad that is like that of Abu Hanifah. What is meant be prolonged recitation is that it is a description of that which is better, and it is not a required criteria. The imam may shorten the prayer if he wishes because the practice is that the entire time of the eclipse should be spent in prayer and supplication. It he makes one of them shorter (ie, either the prayer or the supplication), then he should lengthen the other. As for silent and loud recitation, the two Companions (Sahibayn) use the narration of Aishah that the Prophet recited aloud [this is found in the collections of Imam Bukhari and Muslim]. Abu Hanifah uses the reports of Abdullah b. `Abbas and Samurah b. Jundub (may God be pleased with them both) [this is found in the collection of Imam Ahmad and the four Sunan]. The reason for silent recitation has been mentioned earlier. In addition, how could he have recited aloud when it was a daytime prayer, which are usually silent?

He should make the spplucation after the prayer till the sun becomes bright again. This is due to the hadith of the Prophet, إذا رأيتم من هذه الأفزاع شيئا فارغبوا إلى الله بالدعاء ”When you something from these fright-inducing things, then turn towards Allah with supplication” [this is narrated by Abu Musa al-Ash`ari in the collections of Bukhari and Muslim].

The sunnah for supplications is that they are after the prayer. The imam that leads this prayer should be the same imam that usually leads them in the Friday prayer. If he is not present, the people should pray individually so as to prevent confusion/disorder [ie, so that there is no argument over who is the rightful leader of prayer in a given community. The Hanafis were very particular in avoiding disputation over leading the prayer. For example, this is why the dominant opinion amongst the Hanafis is that if one misses the congregational prayer in a masjid with an established imam, one is not allowed to make a secondary congregation, lest people think that one purposely did not pray behind the imam or that the second imam is demanding the place of the proper imam. There is more on this topic for another time].

There is no congregational prayer for a lunar eclipse due to the hardship in assembling a prayer in congregation at night or to the fear this may cause hardship. Each person should pray individually as per the hadith of the Prophet,إذا رايتم شيئا من هذه الأهوال فافزعوا إلى الصلاة ”When you see something from these happenings, then seek comfort in prayer.” [a version of this appears in the collections of both Bukhari and Muslim].

There is no sermon in eclipses as none have been transmitted. [According to the other schools, however, there is a mention of a sermon]

A Night of Honoring

In a blessed night in the sacred month of the First Spring, they came from every direction to partake in a gathering. It was the night that everyone couldn’t help but admire this most impressive work of this Chicago Muslim community: the opening of a masjid, a pièce de résistance, for a dream first set in motion more than twenty years ago. The town of Elgin, with its preternatural connotations of being mentioned to scare children at bedtime, was unveiling its crown jewel for all to see. And so they came, from far and near, young and old, scholar and layman, to behold this treasure, The Blue Mosque of Bluff City. They came to commemorate a dream that was dared to be dreamt by Mawlana Abdullah Saleem.

Twenty years ago, the dream began in a small basement in Gilberts. And it is fitting that it should have done so, for there is an undeniable barakah and quixotic sunnah in starting a mission of education from a home. The humble house of al-Arqam paved the road to the Enlightened City, giving birth to the Nizamiyyahs and al-Azhars of the Muslim world. There was a time when memorizing the Qur’an in America seemed an alien concept, unfamiliar and unfathomable as the local masjid board schisms of today. Despite the odds, one man had the audacity, believing that starting the institution of memorizing the Qur’an was worth doing; and so twenty years ago, a nondescript basement served as the first Dar al-Arqam of traditional learning in the United States.  Some believed him to be a madman: he is trying to implement a model that will never work in the modern world they said. This is not what the Muslim community needs right now they said. Yet from that seemingly unremarkable basement, a generation studied sacred knowledge and memorized the Qur’an before weekend intensives, before online programs and before it was the cool thing to do. The model worked because it was precisely what was needed.

As for the masjid? There was no time. That basement became a retrofitted warehouse that became an actual school known affectionately as IIE. The warehouse was given to the girls, and then a gym had to be built. The masjid had to wait until its day. So on an unseasonably warm Saturday night in early February, its moment had finally come, a culmination of the barakah of Shaykh al-Hadith Mawlana Muhammed Naeem Saheb (a man whom we were privileged to affectionately refer to as “Abu Gee”), the vision of Mawlana and the sacrifices of his entire family.

An aside is necessary here. In the American Muslim landscape,Chicago holds a unique position with a plethora of people carrying out tremendous work. The titles of qualification, too, are staggering, as one doesn’t have to search very far, by the grace of Allah, for a hafiz, an `alim or even a mufti. But in the midst of many mawlanas, there is undoubtedly only one Mawlana. It is a name, not so much as a title. A single name—no further description is necessary. Not even necessary is it to mention that he holds titles more advanced than this, but it is as if this title alone suffices to convey the speaker’s intent. Mawlana. The listener unquestioningly understands.

But what will explain to you who is Mawlana? It is said that a good leader is one whose people remember him for his accomplishments. But it is said that a great leader is one whose people are remembered for their accomplishments. It is perhaps fitting that the products of Mawlana’s institute are known throughout the land—he wouldn’t want it any other way. People don’t realize that there would be no Wisam Sharieffs, Asif Umars or Bilal Alis without Mawlana. Nearly one hundred huffaz and hundreds of students have benefited from Mawlana. Even myself, as insignificant to the aforementioned, owe everything to Mawlana. And chances are, if you are from Chicago and have learnt anything worthwhile, you are connected to Mawlana. The audacity of that dream—to build an institute for memorizing the Qur’an—spawned other institutions as well, so much so that for any hafiz in America, this much is true: the sanad (chain of transmission) of memorizing Qur’an in America, both as an institution and as a concept, undoubtedly goes through that valiant dreamer. It goes through Mawlana.

On this night of lights,  it is worth mentioning a famous hadith narrated by the Possessor of the Two Lights, our master `Uthman b. `Affan, may God be pleased with him, who narrated that our Beloved (may Allah’s perpetual blessings be upon him) said, “The best of you is the one who learns the Qur’an and teaches it.” It is this hadith that Mawlana and his family have been embodying for the past twenty years. Others aspire to do things in life, but there are certain people who do one thing above all else. This was not a night to hand out lifetime achievement awards, as our community is not one to do so, as the Companions were never in the habit of doing so. But this was no ordinary night either. This was a night to honor the best of our community doing the best of things. And so they came, a blessed gathering of remarkable people here to honor someone far more remarkable than all those in attendance. The opening of a masjid was an excuse for a greater agenda of the evening. They had really come to honor Mawlana, the best of us, who will continue to do so because he knows no other way.

There was a moment Saturday night, after the Isha prayer and while food was served, Mawlana stood off to the side. People were engaged in eating and renewing acquaintances with old friends and brothers. Mawlana leaned against the wall by himself. He looked tired, but not defeated. He looked weary, but his resolve never looked stronger. Seated before him was a living social network of the American Muslim community engaged in organic and meaningful conversation. As I looked at him, I realized that this masjid was likely not the final part of that dauntless vision twenty years ago. This was not the final act of that play. I realized this was a special night, and those who had been fortunate to have attended were truly lucky. And I realized that it may be a while before we see the likes of such a night again.

And so they came, to honor the masjid yes, but they came to honor the man as well. And yet, he far outdid their attempts at honoring by feeding their souls with an evening of marvelous recitation from that same Book that he has given his life towards and even feeding their stomachs as well. So they could only marvel that they had been outdone once again.

As they left that gathering, the sky remained clear but the night air had turned cold. They looked back to have one final glance at this masjid that shimmered like a crown in the ebony sky. They went back to their homes undoubtedly happy, knowing that the crown jewel was safely inside.

A New Spring

Three years ago, I wrote a post and went into a blogging hiatus, thinking that I had given up this hobby forever. During that time, returning to writing certainly crossed my mind — dozens of posts on various issues swirled through my head — but putting pen to paper (or more appropriately, fingertips to computer keys) remained an imaginary idea at best. And so three years ago, my last post dealt with how a given time-space can affect a situation. Perhaps now, this is the time for me to use this space properly.

I guess a lot has changed in three years, alhamdulillah: I’m nearing the end of my residency; I got married to an amazing woman who I certainly don’t deserve; I’ve met fascinating people doing remarkable things to improve the world around them; and I’ve tried to learn as much as I possibly can along the way. I’m older now, yet certainly not wiser.

This time around, things will be slightly different: I want to focus on certain topics that aren’t found on other blogs: religious issues in the context of our times; religion in the context of science, particularly medicine; and social commentary on the amazing and the idiosyncratic of our community. In other words, satire posts, while once my favorite medium to convey themes and messages I strongly believe in, will probably not come along for this ride. Hopefully, I intend to provide refreshingly different material about once a week that I hope you will find entertaining and informative.

So here we go, perhaps fittingly enough in the time of Rabi` al-Awwal (The First Spring), a new spring for this hobby of mine that went quiet for a while, but never really went away.

Have I lost a step? Probably.

Do I still got it? We’ll find out.

Why? Why not.

 

The Hanafi Space-Time Continuum

kr’s note:  The following is the result of class and discussion with Shaykh Amin yesterday, so most of the insights–well, all of them, who am I kidding–are to his credit. We were reading from kitab al-hajj in Hidayah, a section detailing the step-by-step rites of Hajj, when the following discussion took place.

The Hanafis were given the title “ahl ‘l-ra’i”, the people of opinion and conjecture,  and this title was often used with a sense of sarcasm by some of the other schools for they often sought to bring in logic and reason in determining the Law. Abu Hanifah (may Allah have mercy on him) was called “al-Qayyas” (an ism mubalaghah form), meaning “one who constantly and exceedingly uses analogical reasoning.” What these same people overlooked, of course, is that Abu Hanifah and his students were concerned primarily with the nass (text) as foundational evidence, and logic as a secondary and supplemental source at best. The authority of the nass was always paramount, and when rulings deviated from the nass, another nass had to exist along with clear and logical reasoning to allow for such movement away from the hukm (mandated Law).

The above is necessary background in order to understand the Hanafi position–and the subsequent revelation–when it comes to the Day of Arafat, specifically looking at the order and manner in which the prayers are to be performed. It is well known that the pilgrims are to combine the Zuhr and Asr prayers at the time of Zuhr, but the Hanafis say that combining prayers is not allowed (unless of course one makes jama` suwari, which is a discussion for another day, but basically means delaying Zuhr until the end of its time and then praying Asr right as its time comes in).  But, on the Day of Arafat, the Hanafis allow for combining these prayers, yet the nass would indicate that this should not be allowed, specifically due to two verses: 4:103 which explicitly states that prayer has prescribed times, and 2:238 which further says to especially guard the middle prayer (which the dominant opinion says refers to the Asr prayer).  Obviously, one can explain why these prayers are combined because the Prophet (salallahu `alayhi wa sallam) did so when he performed Hajj, and he only did Hajj once in his lifetime, so there is a nass allows for this exception. But reason is necessary to  stipulate how and why the nass can be over-ridden, so the Hanafis say that certain conditions have to be met (such as one being in Ihram, one being in Arafat, etc) in order to move away from the nass.

This is where it gets interesting… because the idea here is that once these conditions are met, the principle of preserving “time” is also maintained because these conditions essentially bring the time of Asr “forward”, relatively, to those who are in Arafat, so they maintain the first nass as well. In other words, their Asr prayer, which the `aql (intellect) may say is before its time and thus not “prescribed” yet (as per the nass), is actually prescribed because the time is brought forward.

Then it gets even juicier… because when sunset happens, one is not allowed to pray Maghrib in Arafat, one has to wait until he reaches Muzdalifah, then he prays Maghrib and Isha together… yet this Maghrib is not considered to be qadah, even if the time for Maghrib has elapsed (even going by the liberal Hanafi 90 minute Maghrib rule) by the time he reaches Muzdalifah. So this presents a conundrum, because in the previous example, we brought the time forward, yet now we are essentially pushing the “time” back, saying that the time for one’s Maghrib–despite one’s `aql observing the sun set–hasn’t started.  To understand this, one looks at the hadith (which is in both Bukhari and Muslim by the way, even Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (may Allah have mercy on him), a card carrying member of Shafi’i madhab, agrees in his Dirayah commentary), wherein the Prophet (salallahu `alayhi wa sallam) says to Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him), when the latter was about to pray Maghrib in the road while en route from Arafat to Muzdalifah, “As-salātu amāmak, ” (The prayer is in front of you), which is interpreted that as-salatu actually stands for “waqtu ‘l-salāti amāmak” (the time of the prayer is in front of you). In other words, the Prophet said that the time for Maghrib, even though outwardly it may have seemed it was dark, would not start for them until they physically reached Muzadalifah.  Even more amazing is that this “start” time is relative for each pilgrim, only occuring when he/she physically enters Muzdalifah.

This hadith is fascinating because it establishes a link between time and space. Einstein became famous for saying that time was so powerful that it could physically curve and alter the very fabric of space. Here, we are saying that the blessed plain of `Arafat is so powerful that it is not only unaltered by time, but instead, this space physically curves and bends time… and it is so powerful that it pushes time in both directions, bringing the time for one prayer forward, and delaying the time for the other. Thus, the famous hadith of “Al-hajju `arafah” (The Hajj is Arafat), no longer remains majazi (allegorical), but takes on a higher degree of haqiqah (outwardly literal) meaning, because of the power contained in this blessed plain. 

For the pilgrim, the paradox is to use his `aql to understand and appreciate this reasoning, and then to simultaneously understand the weakness of his `aql that tells him it is time or not time to pray–to embrace the power of the `aql on one hand, while understanding its shortcomings on the other.  This is the true test of the pilgrim, to appreciate that his Divinely-given `aql is useful for certain things, but completely useless for others, and instead he has to have faith in Divine Providence in such matters. This complete submission is the spirit of Hajj that is started with the chants of labbayk that declares, “Here I am O Lord at Thy service”, wherein the pilgrim realizes that he is nothing, and God is everything.

It is for this reason that the same Hanafis differ with their Maliki brethren; the latter say that the talbiyah (chanting of labbayk) is to be stopped after the day of Arafat, but the Hanafis (and even the Shafi’is here) say that one is to continue this chant until the stoning of the devils.  In the context of the above, wherein one has to abandon one’s notion of time and accept Divine Time, it serves as a perfect reason to continue this chant, because the only way one can appreciate this travel through this space-time continuum that happens on this day is to be in complete submission to the One who is above time itself.

Einstein ain’t got nothin’ on Abu Hanifah.

A Rambling Diatribe of Inauguration Ruminations

kr’s note: as the title suggests, this isn’t a structured or perhaps even grammatically correct post that you may be normally accustomed to reading from yours truly… but rather, it’s a stream-of-consciousness amalgamation of thoughts that I needed to jot down before I lost them.

“Na`am nahnu nastati`u”

Whenever I listen to Obama’s speeches (or to be precise, the 27 year old dude who writes them at Starbucks… how’s that for symbollism) and the power contained therein, and it always brings to mind the famous Prophetic hadith: Inna min’al-bayaani la-sihrah (Indeed in eloquent speech there is magic)… it sounds great on paper, but I’m not sold until I see something positive happen (OK, so Bush flying away in the helicopter was pretty positive). Yesterday was a uniquely historic day, but it was not the day of fath-e-Makkah repeated either, as some Muslims were making it out to be (it was much warmer on the day of fath-e-Makkah).  I’m not expecting drastic changes in areas like foreign policy (the zionist lobby is too powerful, so anyone expecting things to “change” in the Middle East is at best naive), but I do expect changes in economy, healthcare (esp as a doctor with malpractice), environment, etc. may happen in the next several year.  As I mentioned in a previous post, politics is the epitome of all that is secular, and it surprises me that Muslims always have to view politics with the religiously rose-colored glasses to analyze everything… that to me is the peak of irony, because politics never claimed itself to anything but secular, and yet we conflate our religious goals and values into it, and cry foul when politics and religion don’t rhyme (kinda like that poem yesterday), which they were never really meant to do anyway. I was amazed at how many Muslims were all rah rah rah about the inauguration (wow, 2 million people yesterday, was that the American hajj with black wool topcoats being the new ihram?), acting like either Obama (aka Hussain Bhai) was the Mahdi or the Dajjal, depending on who you spoke to… instead of just appreciating the history quietly (and also the boo-birds ripping mercilessly into Bush), and not allowing ourselves to be suckered into buying the hype like we did with the infamous 2000 Muslim block vote for Bush (for which we should continue to make tawbah for, I believe, myself included), which ironically was on the platform that he would solve the same Palestine crisis that served as the perfect cresecendo ending to his failed symphony of a presidency (as Don King said: “Only in America!”). I voted for Obama too, don’t get me wrong, but I mainly did so because the alternative was far worse (I didn’t like “that one”). Maybe I’m a cynic, but our Hadith prophecies tell us that things will get worse as time goes on–it has to, or else the real Mahdi will never come–so to believe that ‘yes we can’ make all these wonderful changes happen, I think, in some way, is incompatible with believing in these same prophecies about the end of time. At the end of the day, our formula remains the same: our lives are to focus on making sure we maintain our elligibility for salvation (everything else, especially all types of activism is simply garnish at best) and wait… because in the end, when it’s all said and done, despite the efforts against us, we win. At this point in time, that’s the only thing that comforts me.

The Du’a of the Wounded

kr’s note: In the light of all that’s going on, this Prophetic du’a uttered by a wounded Beloved of Allah (may His peace and blessings be upon him) in a vineyard has been on my mind lately:

Oh, Allah, I appeal to you for the weakness in my strength,  and my limited power,
and the treatment of contempt and humiliation from people.
(I appeal) to you, the most Merciful of all the Merciful ones,
You are the Lord of the oppressed, and You are my Lord

Under whose care are You leaving me to?
To a distant person who receives me with hostility?
Or to an enemy to whom You have granted authority over my affair?

If You are not angry with me, then I will forever be content.
However, Your Favor is a more expansive relief for me.

I seek refuge in the Divine Light of Thy Countenance
by which all darknesses are dispelled and every affair of this universe and the next is set aright,
(seeking refuge) lest Your Anger or Your Displeasure falls upon me

To You alone is the supplication until You are pleased,
and there is no force or power except by You.

Muslim Syndromes

kr’s note: Over the years, I’ve often alluded to and referenced several “Muslim Syndromes” in speeches that highlight cultural peculiarities and social idiosyncrasies displayed by the American Muslim community. Several of you have asked me to describe these syndromes in greater detail–this post below is the result.

The term “syndrome” is often used in reference to a collection of notably recognizable clinical phenomena, signs, symptoms, and occurrences that often run together.  In fact, the word syndrome is derived from a Greek root and itself literally means “to run together.” Syndromes are aptly named so that the clinician may identify a salient symptom and in turn recognize the existence of others.

Syndromes manifest in different ways depending on a given time-space within the American Muslim community. Some are innocuously funny, while others approach the downright pathological. One’s observations may lead one to identify and diagnose these phenomena when they occur. While the cures are many–and perhaps best dealt with in another post–the first step to curing a disease is to identify it. What follows are several of my diagnoses of a chosen few syndromes that afflict the American Muslim community.

1. ISNA Saturday Night Syndrome (ISNS): This syndrome is marked by an intense zeal and enthusiasm shown after a lecture or conference by attendees, classically seen after the Saturday night main session at the annual ISNA convention for which this syndrome is eponymously named. Subjects feel overwhelmingly hyped up after a session, but when questioned about, for example, what exactly Shaykh Hamza Yusuf said in the talk, subjects often only remember a few buzz words, or more often, remember nothing at all. All they feel is that a lecture was  “the greatest ever”, but then when asked what they plan to do as a result of listening to such an inspirational talk, they often have no idea or goal as to where the aforementioned hype should be directed towards. Oftentimes, subjects state that they can’t wait till the next conference so they can be hyped up again.

2. MSA Caliphate Syndrome (MCS): A common syndrome in many campuses throughout North America, this syndrome results when MSA members, especially leadership, begin to think that the MSA is a mini-Islamic state or pseudo-caliphate on campus. They give themselves cute titles like “Ameer” and “Ameera” and salivate over the faux-power they now wield. MCS often causes subjects to fight over essentially meaningless positions and topics that then lead to division amongst MSA members. The MSA Qadi variant of MCS (like how there is a Miller-Fisher variant to Guillain-Barre Syndrome) often goes hand in hand, wherein MSA leadership feels they have the right to excommunicate members they disagree with, demand that members follow their specific version of Islam, or seek to impose rulings (and even punishments, in rare cases) that only a real Qadi in an Islamic state may mandate. MCS often alienates the vast majority of campus Muslim students away from the MSA as a result of either not feeling welcome in the MSA, or experiencing extreme nausea as a result of MSA drama.

3. Crowded Iftar Plate Syndrome (CIPS): This syndrome draws its name from an outward phenomenon of a common practice in Ramadan, overloading one’s iftar plate in the buffet line with food (as if this is the first time one has ever seen a samosa), which denotes an inner reality for many Muslims who have too much on their plate in terms of self-imposed roles and responsibilities. CIPS is notably seen on campuses or one of the possible sequelae of ISNS wherein a desire to accomplish many goals quickly is followed by spreading one’s self thin in fulfilling the obligatory responsibilities in one’s religious, familial, and personal life, usually resulting in failing to meet said obligations. Like the crowded iftar plate that often gets discarded with half the food still on the plate, CIPS results in many tasks unfulfilled. Treatment for CIPS begins with the patient “biting off only that which he can chew”, and returning for more later.

4. Irrelevant Prophet Syndrome (IPS): In this syndrome, patients are convinced that the Prophet (may God’s peace and blessings be upon him) and the early communities were mythical figures whose lives bear little or no resemblance to their own. As a result, drawing inspiration and devising practical solutions to one’s current challenges in the light of this blessed history becomes a lost art as it is deemed no longer relevant to modern times. In the Madinah Legend variant (yes, a tongue-in-cheek reference to my previous post for those of you paying attention at home), the seerah remains a legend that is told around campfires and only has entertainment value at best. It is to be told only at meetings and conferences (sometimes leading to ISNS) and has little practical value outside of these settings.

5. Muslim-centric Universe Syndrome (MUS): A syndrome that afflicts much of the Muslim world too, this syndrome is marked by the unwavering belief that because Muslims are “the best of communities that has been raised up for mankind,” that they are therefore entitled to exclusive perks and benefits. This syndrome is especially defined by the idea that the universe should revolve around the affairs of the Muslims, and that because they are God’s chosen people, they should be protected from the trials and tribulations of the world. Some have facetiously asked: “How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?”, to which the answer is, “One. He holds up the bulb and expects the universe to revolve around him.” This syndrome arises when patients forget that the world runs according to the Will of Allah alone, and not according to theirs, and that despite what occurs in the world, the world is still under His control, and that trials and tribulations are ” the Tradition of God, and you will find no change in the Tradition of God“. Oftentimes, MCUS is a sequela of IPS as the patient fails to realize that no matter how bad one’s situation may get, the Prophet (may Allah’s perpetual peace and best of blessings be upon him and his family) and his Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) went through far worse, and they were far more beloved.

6. Sunday School Panacea Syndrome (SSPS): Like the red sulphur sought by mystics of the past which was said to treat all diseases (similar to the elixir of life, the philosopher’s stone, and other such themes in various cultures’ histories) and grant immortality, this syndrome results when American Muslim parents drop their kids off to Sunday school for two hours each week and expect that this is sufficient into making them all-star Muslims that have learned everything there is to know about Islam and are protected from any temptation in the future. Oftentimes, these parents drop their kids off, go watch a Bollywood movie at the theater, and come pick them up after the movie ends, leaving with their children before the Zuhr congregation prayer. Patients become convinced that they need not themselves teach their kids or follow-up what was taught on Sunday because the Sunday School should a cure-all for everything.

7. Cultural Convenience Syndrome (CCS): This syndrome results when patients selectively pick and choose aspects of culture according to their convenience. The irony in most situations is oftentimes, Muslims choose from a culture they bash and denigrate when it suits them. A classic example is Pakistani Muslims who hate on Hindus (and often hate on their Indian Muslim brethren because of this as well), but then conveniently adopt Hindu customs, such as mehendis and dholkis, as their own.

8. Muslim Ghetto Syndrome (MGS): This disease state occurs when Muslims living in the West willfully isolate themselves from “the kafirs” and remain esconced in their little enclaves and communities that essentially becomes ghettos in the larger landscape. As a result, the patient no longer feels the need to communicate with his American brethren and convey his Prophet’s message to them. As he imagines himself to be living in an Islamic country (or in cases where MCS never resolves, a pseudo-Islamic mini-state), he becomes completely irrelevant and marginalized, and then begins to complain when his rights are trampled upon (it is not uncommon to find patients simultaneously affilcted with MGS and MCUS), ignoring the fact he has done nothing to validate himself (or his heritage) in the eyes of the American people around him.

9. Halal and Hilal Syndrome (HHS): This syndrome is unique as it strikes across ethnic, gender, and economic spheres as patients are wont to discuss the two burning issues that American Muslims feel must be discussed at all times–usually to the extent that more serious issues pertaining to salvation are ignored. Patients are often convinced they are the “shaykh al-Islam” of the time and speak with boisterous authority regarding the unquestionable authority of their opinions and the indisputable error in the opinions of those who disagree with them.

10. Muslim Empire Building Syndrome (MEBS): MEBS occurs when a group of patients, often as a result of being hyped up and/or afflicted with ISNS, engage in a long, passionate discussion about the best ways and methods to change the state of the Muslim ummah. The mode of conversation may range from healthy opinion-sharing to fierce diatribe that may seem to require physical confrontation to resolve–after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day either. Such discussions may last hours and days, fascinating ideas may be elucidated, and many cups of coffee imbibed, but usually such discussions end without a clear objective of what to do or how to accomplish it, instead resulting in everyone feeling happy they have accomplished something and at least agreeing on one item for the evening: to use someone’s iPhone to find out when the last showing of Quantum of Solace will be that night.